breast cancer, family, kids, life, Uncategorized

Confessions of a Cell Phone Hater

I hate my cell phone.

I hate when it rings. Whenever it rings, there’s usually news on the line I don’t particularly want…or a telemarketer…or an automated message from my daughter’s school. Seriously. My phone rarely rings for a good reason. I dread my FitBit vibrating because 9 times out of 10, it’s vibrating because my phone is about to ring or there’s a text. How did I find out I had breast cancer? My cell phone. How do my myriad of doctors contact me? My cell phone.

Today, my phone rang a little after 3:00 pm. I glanced down and saw my daughter’s school. I grimaced because when her school calls, she’s either in the clinic because she’s really sick or broken a bone (the broken bone thing has happened twice), or she’s forgotten to tell me she needs to stay late for choir practice. Today, it was choir practice. Not bad news per se, but it was definitely not news I wanted because I wanted to come home and rest. My left side incision is sore after standing and working all day today. Resting did not happen.

As I left work, my phone rang again. It was Dr. He’s office. I need to come in so he can check my incisions and clear me. The only time he can see me is right after school dismisses one day next week. My life seems to revolve around doctor’s appointments and Baylor Dallas.

I hate text messaging lately, too. Most of my texts are friends venting to me because I’m the group listener and shoulder, requests for me to do something, family members telling me something has happened, or alerts to pick up a prescription from CVS. Occasionally, it’s a friend or family member texting to say hi or ask how I’m doing (or my mother-in-law asking about my bolognese recipe). More often than not, though, it’s not my mother-in-law recipe comparing or someone checking in on me. I really do hate when my text message sound dings. I steel myself before I look because it’s so often not something I want to read that I’m programmed to expect bad news. How did I find out my mom had colon cancer? A text message (from her). How did I find out about my dad’s brain tumor? A text message.

Work is crazy right now for A. He left for work at 6:30 am this morning and walked in the door at 8:30 pm tonight. The rest of this week will be like that for him…including Saturday. He has a work event to attend. He texted me at 3:30 pm this afternoon with an update and it wasn’t the best. Things are stressful right now. I take his worries and concerns on me, hoping I can make things better. I can’t. It doesn’t stop me from trying.

I hate my cell phone, but I can’t get rid of it. I need S, AJ, A, my family, his family to be able to get in touch with me. I just wish it communicated more to me than news I usually don’t want.

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