breast cancer, life, Uncategorized


I have a reoccurring dream involving a stairwell. It looks like the kind of stairwell you might see in a large building. It’s gray and cold and metal and harshly lit with florescent lights. Some nights, I dream I’m running up the stairs. I exit a door, and there’s always somewhere there I know. Sometimes we talk, sometimes we don’t. Some nights, I dream I’m running down the stairs. I don’t know where they end. I’ve never reached the bottom in my dreams. The nights when I dream I’m going up and down the stairs are the nights when I don’t sleep well; I wake up out of sorts, confused, tired, and a little discombobulated. On those nights, when I have to go down the stairs, they’re a little different every time. Sometimes the stairs are taller, bigger, higher. Sometimes I have to climb the stairs. Literally, I have to climb them as though I’m climbing a tree. Sometimes the stairs are narrow, and I have to pay close attention as I walk or I’ll trip and fall, which I’ve done in my dream. When I go up them, there’s always someone there who gives me something to do, and it always involves going back down the stairwell.

It’s such a strange, strange dream.

I have no idea what it means, and I don’t know that I really care. It’s just strange, and it keeps happening. It’s a vivid dream. It sticks out to me because of its strangeness. Apparently, dreaming about stairs relates to the idea of moving forward or backwards in your life. Maybe that’s why I keep dreaming about them…one step forward, two steps back. That’s how it feels sometimes. But, why am I trapped in a stairwell? That’s what I don’t understand. What’s the cold, gray, metal room? Cancer? Hospital?

I don’t know that I want to know. I really don’t.

It’s just a strange, strange dream.



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