breast cancer, life, Uncategorized

Taking off my surgical bandage always reveals a surprise, most of them, unwelcome

Annnnnddddd another part of incision has reopened. It’s leaking. It’s all on my cursed left side. Breast cancer. Left side. Extensive radiation. Left side. Surgeries galore. Left side. Complications from DIEP reconstruction. Left side.

My scar is fairly unnoticeable now from the middle of my stomach across to my right hipbone now. I can’t say the same for the left. Start in the middle and go to my left hipbone. It’s a mess. A hole. A healing split. A new opening…could be a split, could be a hole…who knows what it’ll be when it grows up! The scar line is still slightly swollen. So. Back into the abdominal binder I go, again. Every single time I’ve been told I can reduce from wearing it 23/7 to 8/7, complications begin.

I’m 5000% over complications and slow healing. My skin is reacting to all adhesives again…even bandaids cause my skin to turn red, angry, and blister around the edge of the bandaid. Tegaderm, a fairly gentle adhesive bandage, has caused giant, sore blisters about 2 inches under my port surgery removal site. They’re in a perfect, bumpy, red line.

Dr. L warned me DIEP reconstruction can have a high complication rate, and he warned me healing could take much longer than expected. I should’ve listened better.

I went back to work 15 days after DIEP because I had no more sick days to use and couldn’t really afford to be docked. Yes, I felt as though I could handle it, and yes, I wanted to go back to work. But, I also didn’t want to be docked.  That’s the truth. I get 7 days a year. I can carry them over from year to year, but when you’ve had to take off a few days here because your grandfather died and another few days because your grandmother died and a week because you got married and a week because your new husband’s grandmother died and two months because your daughter was born during the school year and random days here and there for illness and family emergencies, the days don’t last. Add cancer to the mix? img_1389





I felt like I was ready and could handle going back, but I know now I had no business jumping back into life. I pushed myself too fast, too hard, too much. So, I guess much of this situation is of my own making.

Maybe if I’d taken better care of myself two months ago, I’d’ve healed better by now. Maybe these complications would’ve happened no matter what. Maybe I’ll completely heal one day…mind, body, spirit, soul. Or, maybe, maybe I’m setting my expectations too high.


1 thought on “Taking off my surgical bandage always reveals a surprise, most of them, unwelcome”

  1. Yikes, sorry to hear that you are having more issues with your incision.
    It is sooo easy to blame ourselves when things go wrong. Hearing that you had to go back to work so early, reminds me how crazy this country is. If the US had adequate Maternity leave, or paid leave in general you would not have needed to go back. It is a system failure that you had to choose between adequate healing time and your livelihood, not a personal failing. Sorry for the rant, sounds like you are taking care of yourself the best you can given the circumstances. Sending love and light from across the blogosphere.

    Liked by 1 person

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