breast cancer, life, Uncategorized

I took a break today

I saw Dr. L this morning. Over the weekend, the swelling went way, way down. I did nothing but sleep on Saturday. My in laws put me in my sister in law’s bedroom, gave me the TV remote, and let me be. I slept for hours.

On Sunday, I stayed in bed until late afternoon. We had a family birthday party for S planned. I went to the birthday party and sat.

Today, I slept almost all day after my appointment with Dr. L. The swelling is pretty much gone. No in-office draining attempt needed. He sat with me and told me he gets my fear, he really does, but the problems I’m having right now are surgery complications. They are annoying. They are frustrating. They are scary. They are manageable. It’s going to take months for the hole to heal, but, the good news is, the fluid from the swelling had a place to go, and it took that path. It just isn’t fun for me or my scumbag brain. He sent me home with orders to rest, to take it easy, to stop pushing myself so hard.

I took the entire day off today. I slept once I got home from Dr. L’s office. I just slept. I woke up right before S and AJ came home from school. Once they were home, they played on their own, for the most part. S made dinner for them both, telling me to stay in bed. She had it handled.

I’m not ready for her to be mature like that, but she is. And, intuitive. She knows it’s been a tough weekend.

We aren’t done with the dips on the track. Maybe we’re coming out of a dip now, though. Maybe we’re going to get a calm. That would be nice.

Today’s break was a good one, a much-needed one. Tomorrow, I’ll move a little slower, be tired faster, need to sit down more, and that’s ok. It has to be ok because I can’t be me if I can’t let myself heal, and for once, I’m going to follow my doctor’s advice: Slow down. Take it easy. Rest when you can. Stop pushing yourself.

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