breast cancer, family, life, Uncategorized

Breaks and Races

Last week, A “surprised” me with the news he needed me to come with him last Saturday to a work commitment. It involved getting dressed up, dinner, pictures, all that mess. He doesn’t often require me to attend work events with him, so I rolled my eyes and woman’d up for it.

I needed to find a dress. Don’t get me wrong. I have dinner party dresses. I just don’t like many of them. I don’t like the way I look in most dresses because I’m short. Most dresses either hit me at an awkward past the knees but not mid calf length, or they’re too long. Plus, I’ve lost thirty pounds, so most of the ones I own don’t fit right. I needed to go shopping. For a dress. During prom season. Glitter everywhere.

Finding a dress wasn’t easy. I wanted to be comfortable. I needed to consider my left arm and how easy or difficult it was to get out of the dress or to reach the zipper. I didn’t want to show my scars.

That was my downfall.

I can’t hide all my scars. I just can’t. My port scar at the base of my neck, the bump where my port is under my skin, and the thin scar of the bump are hard to hide unless I wear a turtleneck. The scars under my left arm where the lymph nodes were removed can be hard to hide. I tried on dress after dress after dress. It was like Goldilocks and the Three Bears, but with dresses. This one is too short. This one is too long. This one is too snug. This one is hard to get out of. This one shows my port. This one is too expensive.

I kept coming back to one dress. Black. One shouldered. A band of silver and black sequins down one side of it. I wanted it. But, the one shoulder was on the left side, so my right side, where my port is, was completely exposed. I debated it. I stared at myself. I considered covering it with make up. Then, I decided I just didn’t care. I have a port. I have scars. I have cancer (had cancer?). So, I bought it. Then, I decided I didn’t want to wear a wig, so I found some sparkly headbands and wore one.

We went to the dinner, and it was nice. I met several of his colleagues I didn’t know. They were all very nice. It was just a long day for me. I had a work commitment of my own Saturday morning from 7:30 am-3:00 pm. His work commitment required us to be on the road to Dallas by 6:30 pm. It was just a go, go, GO day.

Then, he surprised me by having his parents keep our kids for us, and we stayed at a hotel in downtown for the night.

It was a nice break.

Now, back to reality. My students have the AP test in a week. Most of them have other AP classes and tests this week. They’re tired. I’m tired. We’re all tired.

It’s a race to the end of the school year. Time seems to speed up during the month of May. Assemblies, award ceremonies, tests, finals, graduation.

Every weekend is packed with something from now until the first weekend of June.

So, it was nice to get a break while we could.


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