breast cancer, life, Uncategorized

End in Sight

I have three radiation treatments left. Three. Provided my RO allows me to do treatment today, and I think it’s a 50/50 toss up whether he does. The burn worsened some over the weekend. It spread. I tolerate the burns with Domeboro soaks three times a day (morning, lunch, bed) and silverdene three times a day. And Advil. It sucks. The burns suck.

At least the one under my left tissue expander is better. The one under my arm worsened, and a new one appeared running nearly up to the mastectomy scar.

Fun times…

I can see the end of the road, though.

I have a feeling these will be the three hardest days I face as of lately. I’ve been warned the reactions will not magically stop after my last treatment. The reactions will continue for days…weeks. It will take months for the skin to really heal, and the skin won’t be the same. It’s going to be tighter and more sensitive. I’m going to have to be very careful with it. I have to protect it more carefully than before. I’ve heard the skin can be almost paper thin. I hope that’s not an issue.

What I really want is for this to heal quickly and just become another bad memory in a year of extraordinarily good memories and extraordinarily bad memories.

I want to find some peace.

This was never in my lens…on my radar…in my scope. Yet, for 1 in 8 women, this is our lives.

I ask A “why me? What did I do?” I know I did nothing, and as for why me, why anyone?

It’s just hard to handle on days where there’s pain and knowing more pain is in sight.

I may be three treatments away from ending radiation, but the pain will still be there.

It’ll just be hidden.

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