Today is A’s birthday. It should be a good day, but honestly, it’s been one of those days. The weather here in Dallas has been rainy since Tuesday. Today, it’s just gross outside. There’s a nasty, misting rain, and everything outside is soaked. It’s the kind of day where staying in bed sounds like the perfect idea because it’s so gray and just blah outside.
S, AJ, and I are on Spring Break. With the way the weather has been, and with the fact I have radiation everyday and have had two doctor’s appointments this week, it hasn’t been the best of Spring Breaks. The kids have found stuff to do, but today, they’re bored. Since it’s A’s birthday, they decided they needed to make decorations for the house and needed to help me bake his birthday cake. He’s asked me to make a nacho/taco bar for dinner. The kids are thrilled by that. It’s one of their favorite dinners.
Tomorrow, I see Dr. O. I don’t know what to expect. I really don’t. My default is to expect surprises or not-so-great news. I know I should be positive, but…no. Going to the oncologist is not what I want to do tomorrow. Then, I have Herceptin after I see Dr. O. Then, I have radiation. I’m spending my entire day tomorrow dealing with breast cancer.
I’m so over dealing with breast cancer.
I’m angry today. I’m angry at a lot of things, but I’m really pretty ticked off about the fact I have breast cancer. I don’t even know what the appropriate terms is. Do I have breast cancer? Am I cancer free? Since I don’t know, I just say I’m in treatment for breast cancer because I am. And, that makes me angry.