breast cancer, Uncategorized

Harder

Today has been harder than yesterday. I’m in a fair amount of physical pain. Standing up is extremely painful. My sides hurt. My shoulders hurt. Everything hurts.

I can’t talk about it yet. I woke up in tears this morning. My parents stayed with us last night, and after they left to go get some rest, I sobbed with A. This is too hard. I can’t handle this. Wednesday was supposed to be the beginning of the end of this. There was a light. Now there isn’t.

I don’t know how to put myself back together. I can’t handle this. It’s too hard.

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4 thoughts on “Harder”

  1. I think what your doctor told you is right on. Take a week and be sad, angry, depressed and then get ready to do what you can do. You know how much your mental state can affect your body and vice versa. #cancersucks

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  2. I have not stopped thinking about you since you announced your cancer diagnosis. I have read every single post and blog you have published. I could not stop thinking about you and praying for you the day of surgery. I cried a little when I found out that it did not go as planned. I have been silently watching your journey from afar, hoping that you will get better. I have often thought that you are handling this like a bad ass! I can say for certain that people like me, who you have not spoken to in years, are heartbroken for you and your family. I can also promise that we are cheering for you from the sideline! You have always been a special part of my childhood and I have always thought so much of you. Shit… I don’t even know what to say anymore! I want to give you advice, but who am I? I’ve never experienced this amount of pain. I want to tell you to keep your head up, but I don’t know if I could do the same. I guess what I really want to say most of all is that I admire your strength, your attitude and your over all bad ass-ery. I know that you have said a couple of times that you are reading the messages, but don’t have it in you to reply. I get it. You don’t have to. Just please remember my words. XOXOXOX Kelley Gordon Mittnacht

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    1. Kelley, I don’t know what to say except thank you…right now, I don’t feel strong or like a bad ass and feel my attitude has taken a hit I don’t know how to get over. I know I will. I have to. I just can’t see it right now. Thank you for seeing me that way, though. I want to see myself that way again.

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