breast cancer, life, Uncategorized

Shrinking

At the end of last school year, I weighed the most I’d ever weighed. I was angry and embarrassed by how much I’d let myself go, and I knew I needed to make some changes. I needed to stop drinking the number of Cokes I drank, and I needed to walk more. I didn’t have the willpower, though. I kept thinking it was too hard. I liked Coca Cola and hated exercise. As June rolled around, though, I told myself I would lose weight over the summer. No more weighing in at 212 pounds. It’s so embarrassing to type that, but it is what it is, and that’s what I weighed in June.

I suck at keeping weight loss goals, but by the end of June, I had lost five pounds. I’d also made the decision to go back into the classroom, and I’d begun to get an uneasy feeling anytime I thought about the hard knot I could feel in my left breast. Stress helped me drop another five pounds in July. August is when the real weight loss began. Moving into and organizing a new classroom, walking around a school built to accommodate up to 2800 students, and stress from a breast cancer diagnosis helped me drop another 10 pounds.

The first time I saw Dr. O, she told me I needed to lose some  weight, and I definitely needed to lose my Coca Cola habit. Chemo helped me kick Coca Cola to the curb. After chemo, when the terrible taste in my mouth reared its head, Coca Cola tasted terrible. I couldn’t drink it. I replaced it with what I should have been drinking all along: water. I went from drinking four and five Cokes a day to none. I went from drinking maybe one glass of water a day to 52-90 fl oz a day. I quit Coca Cola cold turkey. And, when I did, the weight fell off. The funny thing, though, is I don’t realize how much weight I’ve lost. Sure, I know what the number on the scale says. This morning, it said 178. I haven’t weighed 178 in ten years. That’s what I weighed when I became pregnant with S.

I grabbed the wrong jeans yesterday. In June, these jeans fit me and were almost too snug. Yesterday, they fell off me.

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It’s shocking for me to see just how much weight I’ve lost. I know I’m not thin, certainly not like I once was, but I’m not embarrassed by what I look like anymore. Heck, I’m not embarrassed to be bald. When I have on my make up, I actually like the way I look without hair. No one is more surprised by that than me.

Cancer has taken many things from me, but the one thing it stole that I’m really glad it took is my addiction to Coca Cola. I don’t miss it. Not a tiny little bit. And, I’m healthier now because I’m not even tempted by it, which amuses me to no end. Cancer has made me healthier. There’s some irony.

My weight loss goal once seemed impossible, but now it doesn’t. Dr. O wants me to lose another 20-30 pounds. I’d like to get back to 150…maybe 140. That’s what I weighed when A and I married. Six months ago, that seemed impossible. Now, it doesn’t.

 

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6 thoughts on “Shrinking”

  1. L, you’re a beautiful woman inside and out. Becoming healthier certainly adds to that, but your new found self confidence is the cherry on top. You are truly amazing and I’m so blessed to call you my sweet friend who I love so much.😘

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  2. SOOO… I totally agree with you about being bald. You’re absolutely adorable and should keep your head shaved even when your hair grows back! ❤️ Love you!

    Like

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