My emotions are out of control today and tonight. I’m struggling. Physically, I’m fine. Emotionally, I’m not. Not by a long shot.
I’m scared. I’m really scared
I read a story on Yahoo news about a 36 years old woman who died this week from breast cancer. One of the stories said she was diagnosed at stage 2B and before she finished her year of Herceptin treatments, the cancer spread to her liver and bones. Stage IV. Before she even finished a year of treatment.
The story scared me to my core. That could be me.
So, tonight, after my husband came home, I sat with him on the couch and cried like I did the night after I was diagnosed.
I see my oncologist tomorrow and am scheduled for chemo 5 as long as my blood work is okay. I hope it is. A friend is really encouraging me to open up to my doctor about how scared I am. There’s not a lot she can do, but maybe she can talk me off the ledge I’m on.
It’s funny how different I feel today versus how I felt a week ago. Last week, I felt great. I was getting ready to graduate with my master’s. I was proud and happy and excited. This week, I don’t feel so great. I’m scared and anxious and fearful.
Cancer is a roller coaster, and I hate I ever got placed on this ride.